we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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