Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
