walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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