totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
