I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
