I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
