Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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