another moral hangover. fuck.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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