that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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