I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you will always have a special place in my vag
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
