super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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