We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
