Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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