Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
