No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
