"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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