the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
jump out the window naked night went bad
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