I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
