I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
