dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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