During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
where are my eyebrows?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
