never play flip cup with pint glasses
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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