I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
