This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
