Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
