went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
