Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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