have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
