I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
