after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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