I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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