i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
