haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
