bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
