So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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