just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize