I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
