I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
