I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
