so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
