I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Still dying that you shit outside
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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