Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
