Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
