I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
