My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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