We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
