I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
