I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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