I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
