Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
