i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
