Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
