my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize