Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
