he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
