I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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