Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
