If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
