so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what day is it and did you see me today?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
