Don't you send me to vm
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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