i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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