It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
