Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
