Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
