my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize