If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
