Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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