she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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