he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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