started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
